The Expansion Gap: Why You Keep Growing and Then Shrinking

How many times have you had a breakthrough only to find yourself back in the same pattern a few weeks later? This expansion gap, the space in between who you've been and who you're becoming, it's the reason why so many women keep cycling through growth and collapse. Your future is not built from the breakthroughs you experience, it's built from what you learn to hold. Welcome to the Unblocked Woman Podcast.

I'm Amy Sanders. For years, I believed the next level of my life, the business, would come from a better strategy, working harder, figuring out that perfect plan. But eventually, I saw the real truth. The biggest ceiling in our lives is not strategy, it's identity.

The patterns we don't see, the subtle ways we play small, the version of ourselves that we keep defaulting back to even when we know we're capable of more. This podcast is where we bring those patterns into the light. We talk about identity, leadership, growth, and what it actually takes to become the woman who can truly hold the life and business she wants. No fluff, no performance, just honest conversation about stepping fully into your power.

So go ahead and subscribe and follow the show. And remember, the moment you see the pattern, you can finally break it. Welcome to the Unblocked Woman Podcast. I'm Amy Sanders, transformational coach, pattern disruptor, and the woman who is going to help you stop cycling through growth and collapse.

Today, we are talking about the thing that nobody tells you, when you're chasing your next level. It's not about the breakthrough, it's about what happens after. So let's get into it. I want to start today with a question.

How many times have you had a breakthrough, only to find yourself back in the same pattern a few weeks later? You felt confident, and then you doubted yourself. You set the boundary, and then you abandoned it. You started showing up consistently, and then you disappeared.

Maybe you started making more money, and then found a way to shrink or lose it. You experienced expansion, and then somehow, somehow, you found yourself right back where you started. Most women think that they need a breakthrough. They think that they need more confidence.

More motivation, more strategy, more healing. If they just stay on this hamster wheel of doing more, they're going to feel different. They're going to be different. They're going to show up differently.

But that is not usually the problem. And that's exactly what we're unpacking today. Today, we are talking about the expansion gap. And the expansion gap is the distance between what you've created, where you are, and what your identity, nervous system, and self-trust currently know how to hold.

It's the space in between. It's the space in between who you've been and who you're becoming. It's the space between what you've created and what feels safe to sustain. It's the reason why so many women keep cycling through growth and collapse, and it's the reason why so many women keep cycling through growth and collapse, and it's not because they're broken or because anything is wrong with them.

It's because they're patterned. Every single time life begins to ask more of you, the nervous system starts searching for what's familiar. The nervous system wants to stay safe. That's what it has been taught to do.

So it's not going to help you figure out what's possible. It's going to help you figure out what's possible. It's going to keep you in what's familiar. However, your next level is not built in the breakthrough.

It's actually built in what you normalize afterward. The breakthrough opens the door. The woman you become afterward determines whether you stay there. And what I mean by that is the pattern.

So let me describe it so it makes a little bit more sense. You will have a breakthrough. This is the pattern. You will have a breakthrough.

You will feel the expansion. And as soon as you start to expand, that discomfort shows up because it's new. You haven't been here before. And so you will collapse back to what you feel is safe or comfortable, what you already know, what your nervous system recognizes as, okay, this is okay.

I can stay here. And then you rebuild. And then you repeat the pattern. Think about how this has shown up for you in your own life.

Maybe you raised your rates. You decided you were going to start charging more and then immediately felt guilty the first time you were in a position where you had to actually talk about your new rates. So then you discount them or you add bonuses or you do something to make that rate increase feel better. It could be that you finally decide to start taking care of your body, start getting more sleep, eating healthier, going to the gym.

But as soon as life gets busy, or maybe you have a late night and you don't want to get up early to go to the gym, you stop. Maybe it's you became more visible. You started showing up in your power. But then that attention that you're getting feels uncomfortable.

It's new. It's different. You're not sure what to do with it. So you collapse.

You disappear. Because that attention was too much. Or maybe you posted something pretty vulnerable and no one liked it. No one commented.

And because you thought no one cared, you decided it's safer to stay invisible. This also works with self-trust. When you decide you're going to make a decision all on your own and then as soon as you get forced with that point of decision making, you start looking for other people's opinions. Here's the thing.

It's not that you can't create growth or that growth is not safe. What happens in these moments, the reason why we keep doing this, is because the growth that you're experiencing is happening faster than your capacity to hold it. As soon as you start to feel uncomfortable because your nervous system is like, what is going on? I'm not used to this.

I don't like this. That is your capacity to hold. And the second that your growth is larger than that capacity, you will feel the discomfort. And when that happens, your nervous system will pull you back to what's familiar every single time.

And it's not because it's good. It's just because it's what the nervous system knows. That's why a lot of people end up in the same type of toxic relationships. That's why you will make money.

You'll start getting paid more or whatever, and then you still don't have the extra money. Okay, let me put that in a little bit better of a context. So say you get a raise and you're making more money. And right after you start making more money, your bank account looks exactly the same, but you're like, I am literally making more money.

What's happened is that difference, that gap between the new income and the old income is bigger. And so you are spending it even subconsciously to keep you at the level that you feel comfortable at. It can actually be pretty annoying. That's why we're talking about it.

So how do we stop this? How do we actually up level? And stay there? There are four things that I have studied with the women who are able to do this.

And we are going to get into them right now. So the woman who has learned how to hold more, she has learned four things. And as I talk about what these four things are, it's important to note that I'm not expecting you to do these perfectly. I'm just expecting you to acknowledge them and start trying to be more consistent with them.

The first one is she creates emotional safety. Most women believe that they will feel more emotional safety when maybe they figure out how to have more confidence. But that's not what it's about. What they need is safety first.

Meaning, that you do the work to feel emotionally safe and secure in your own skin before the confidence comes. Knowing that you have your own back. So then when that growth arrives, and it feels uncomfortable, visibility feels unsafe, responsibility can feel unsafe. When you have the bigger bank account or more success.

When you know, all of this can feel unsafe. You have decided that you have created emotional safety for yourself. You have decided that when that feeling of unsafe comes, you understand that discomfort is not necessarily danger. Most times, discomfort is often evidence of expansion, of you growing.

So this woman no longer interprets every uncomfortable feeling as a sign to stop. Uh oh, things are getting uncomfortable. I better snap back to what I know. Instead, she has learned to stay in the discomfort long enough to find out what's on the other side.

So I want to ask you, where in your life are you treating discomfort as a warning sign? Like, uh oh, this is uncomfortable. I better snap back. Versus what it may actually be.

The evidence of growth, that you are growing. This discomfort means you are heading into new territory, new waters. The second one is that she trusts herself. Self trust is not a feeling.

Self trust is a relationship, and it's a relationship between you and yourself. And it's built every single time. Every single time you keep a promise to yourself, every single time you follow through, every single time you choose your truth over your fear. Which, by the way, your truth might look very different from another woman's truth.

It might look different than your partner's truth, and that's okay. But it's you trusting that your truth is enough. The women who can do that, they don't distrust themselves. Instead, they hold more because she knows that she can.

Meaning that she has her own back. Even if she doesn't always feel certain. Even if other people feel differently about her choices. She decides for herself.

She trusts herself because she's proven that she won't abandon herself. And there's a difference. And I want you to feel that. Certainty is something you wait for.

Self trust is something you build. I'm going to say that again. Certainty. Being sure of the next step.

Knowing is something that you wait for. But self trust is something that you build. And you build it every single day. And you build it in the tiny little actions.

The commitments that you keep to yourself. You say what you're going to do, and you do what you're going to say. So I want to ask you, where are you negotiating with yourself? What promise needs to be honored?

That you know needs to be honored. But for whatever reason, you're not doing it. Think about it. Number three is she maintains her standards.

Many women raise their standards during moments of inspiration. They feel the inspiration. They're feeling like they're on fire. They're like, yes, I've had this download.

And I am going to hold my standard. But the problem is that few women actually maintain them when life becomes inconvenient. When you are faced with a situation where you need to practice your standards. And this is where that identity gap we're talking about lives.

The woman who holds. Understands that standards create identity, not motivation, not just being in like a good mood and being happy and reading all of those affirmations every day, and not your circumstances, circumstances change every single day, multiple times a day, the woman who holds, she holds more because she understands that her standards create her identity. Her standards. She doesn't ask, what do I feel like doing today?

She asks, who am I committed to being? Who am I going to show up for today? And how am I going to show up for myself? There is a version of you that already lives this way.

She's not waiting for inspiration. She's running on commitment. So I want to ask you, where. Are you lowering your standards where you know that you shouldn't.

And what standard have you lowered that your future self is asking you to reclaim? Are you making choices in your life that your future self is proud of? That she would hug you today and say, I am so proud of you for being that woman. Are you being her?

Number four is she leads herself. The woman who holds doesn't wait until she feels like herself. She doesn't wait until she feels like that future self she's building. She acts like her future self first, meaning that she acts like her future self today.

That is the fastest way you can close the gap by being her now. She understands that identity is built. It's built through repeated evidence, one decision, one action, one moment at a time. When you continually show your nervous system and show your body through repeated evidence that, yeah, I did this thing and it was scary.

I got uncomfortable and I sat in the discomfort and it worked. Your nervous system will keep up. Your nervous system will start to trust you and think, oh, yeah. You know what?

She does lead herself. She does show up in honesty and integrity. She does know how to have my back when we're doing something new and scary. The woman who leads herself stops waiting to become her and she starts practicing today as her through the little things.

Today. I had to put some miles in. Because I am training for a marathon. However, marathon training has been really hard because I have a pulled hamstring.

I have a torn hamstring. And so I've had to really baby it and I've had to take some time off running, which is really hard and aggravating when you know your marathon is only 12 weeks away. However. I showed up.

I did my short, very slow run. Even though my mind. Wanted to do more. And the reason why I'm telling you this is because I honored what I knew was best for me.

Even what I wanted to do. Even though it was different. I wanted to run further. I wanted to run faster.

I wanted to prove to myself that I'm going to be okay in this marathon. But what was best for me today and for my future self, the one that will be running the marathon was to run a lot slower than what's normal. And to run a lot shorter. Than what I wanted to do.

The small daily things. Are what upgrades you. Start practicing. Being her today.

This is what I mean when I say become her before the evidence arrives. Be her now and you will get to that place of feeling like her sooner. And you don't need any permission or any proof from anyone else. Not even yourself.

All you need. To do. Is make the next move that's aligned with who you're becoming. And you are becoming her every day.

Through the small and simple decisions. So my question is what would the woman you're becoming do next? I'm not talking about next year or next week. Or even tomorrow.

I'm talking about today. How would you spend your day today as her? What choices would you make? What things would you remove from your plate that are no longer serving you?

How would you show up if you were practicing being her today? Wherever you are right now. I want you to take one deep breath. And just release the need to perform and to figure everything out.

And I want you to bring to mind the version of you that already holds the life that you want. The woman who doesn't collapse after growth. Or the woman who doesn't trust herself. I want you to look at this woman as the woman who does trust.

She keeps her standards. She holds them. See her and notice how she carries herself and how she speaks. How does she talk to you?

How does she move? How does she lead? And not now. But later today when you have some time in peace and quiet.

Ask. Ask the question. What have I been calling too much that is actually meant for me? Ask what part of me still doesn't believe that I can safely hold what I desire?

What do I need to normalize to become you now? And just see what comes. Even if you have to rewind this episode and listen to this again to get those questions. Do it.

And for the next week, I want you to ask yourself. Where are you expanding and where are you collapsing? Awareness is always first. So notice where you pull back and where you abandon yourself.

Where you shrink after growth. And then ask, how can I close that gap today? Today. How can I close that expansion gap that I see showing up in my life today?

Your future is not built from the breakthroughs you experience. It's built from what you learn to hold. The more you learn to hold, the more you will have. The woman that you're becoming is not created in the moment of expansion.

She's created in the moments afterwards. It's the moments where you stay when it's uncomfortable. When you're on new territory. And you're feeling discomfort, but you stay anyway.

It's the moments where. You trust yourself. And as the questioning comes up, you stay with the trust anyway. This is where transformation becomes identity.

Where you actually upgrade into that version of you. You know she's there. And she is there. So be her.

And choose to be her today. If this episode landed for you. Share it with a woman who needs it and leave a review. The more we share.

And the more reviews that this podcast gets. The more women we will be able to reach. If you want to find me on Instagram and tell me how this landed. I would love to hear from you.

My Instagram handle is it's dot Amy Sanders. I will respond to each and every comment. Until then. Stay.

In this thought. Of becoming her. And let's break these patterns together. Until then.

I will see you next week. Bye. Thanks for listening to the unblocked woman. Listen, you don't rise by waiting.

You rise by leading. So if this episode sparked a shift. Send it to a woman who needs to hear next. And if you're ready to go deeper.

Join the unblocked woman collective. Or begin the unblocked method. At amysanders. co And remember.

See it. Shift it. Become magnetic. Your next level.

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