Confidence Isn't a Feeling. It's a Reputation You Build With Yourself.

don't have a confidence problem you have a reputation problem specifically with yourself we're going to talk about the actual practice that rebuilds the confidence it's the reputation that you build with yourself in private when nobody's looking you don't build self-trust by talking to yourself differently you're going to build it by acting in alignment with the woman that you say you're becoming welcome to the unblocked woman podcast i'm amy sanders for years i believed the next level of my life the business would come from a better strategy working harder figuring out that perfect plan but eventually i saw the real truth the biggest ceiling in our lives is not strategy it's identity the patterns we don't see the subtle ways we play small the version of ourselves that we keep defaulting back to even when we know we're capable of more this podcast is where we bring those patterns into the light we talk about identity leadership growth and what it actually takes to become the woman who can truly hold the life and business she wants no fluff no performance just honest conversation about stepping fully into your power so go ahead and subscribe and follow the show and remember the moment you see the pattern you can finally break it hi and welcome back to the show so today i want to talk about confidence but not the way i want to talk about confidence the way that you've heard it 5 000 times not the affirmation version or the fake it tell you make it version today i want to talk about what i'm noticing with the women that i work with and by the way these are like smart ambitious self-aware women women who have read every book you're doing the modalities you've hired coaches and yet this woman still feels like confidence is something that other women have access to that she somehow doesn't have now if that's you first and foremost i want you to know that you don't have a confidence problem you have a reputation problem specifically with yourself and i'm going to spend this episode unpacking what that actually means and why it matters more than just the quote quote mindset shifts that you always hear about or that you'll ever try we're going to talk about the actual practice that rebuilds it that rebuilds the confidence and once i understood this for me it changed how i showed up in my business in my relationships and in my life and it's the same shift that i watch happen in the women that i work with so if you've been wanting to feel confident and you've been waiting to feel confident before you do the next thing before you post the post or raise the price or have that hard conversation before you go fully visible or leave the room that you've outgrown buckle up because this episode my friend is for you so let's talk about the confidence lie most women treat confidence like it's a feeling that arrives like you're waiting for some switch to flip just that one more breakthrough that you need to have maybe for mercury to be out of retrograde or for that imposter syndrome to quote quote go away the imposter syndrome is not gonna go away by the way every single time you level up every single time you do something new imposter syndrome is right back the switch that you're waiting to flip it's like not ever gonna flip sorry to let you know that but that's just the truth confidence isn't a feeling that you wake up with it's not a personality trait it's a feeling that you wake up with it's not a personality trait it's not a and it's not something that you can just order off amazon prime it'll be here in two days the lie is that confident women feel different than you that is a lie they do not they've just stopped waiting on the feeling to act they've just stopped waiting to feel confident before they move forward they act the women that you think are confident aren't fearless they have the same feelings that you do they've just stopped using fear as a reason to abandon themselves so if confidence isn't a feeling though what is it this is where it gets interesting which by the way before i dive in i have also coached that confidence is something you feel no it is and it's not that's what we're going to get into okay confidence what we're going to get into is that confidence is actually a reputation that you have with yourself and it does breed a feeling and that feeling doesn't necessarily feel good in fact it doesn't feel good and other people will look at you if they think that you look confident they will look up to you for that right but when you're in the when you're in the weeds when you are in the trenches doing the thing that feels uncomfortable it breeds confidence and it does breed a feeling and it does breed a feeling but ultimately confidence is the reputation that you're building with yourself and it's the reputation that you build with yourself in private when nobody's looking now think about how you build a reputation with anyone else the people that you work with the friends in your neighborhood your family you wouldn't just tell them i'm trustworthy and expect them to trust you you wouldn't just tell them i'm trustworthy and expect them to trust you to believe it you would show them you would show them through your follow-through you would show them through your consistency you would show them through what you're doing that you say what you're going to do and you do it even when it's inconvenient that's how you would show them that you're trustworthy that's exactly how you build a reputation with yourself too you don't build self-trust by taking yourself let me say that a little better sometimes i get tripped up on my words but you don't build self-trust by talking to yourself differently you build it by acting in alignment with the woman that you say you're becoming i'm gonna say that one more time just so that it hits you don't build self-trust by talking to yourself differently you can affirmation all day long but you're going to build self-trust by talking to yourself differently going to build it by acting in alignment with the woman that you say you're becoming. You choose to be her now. I talk about this literally all the time. Every single time you keep a promise to yourself, you build proof.

And that proof shows your nervous system that there's evidence here that my words mean something. And your nervous system literally files it as evidence. However, every single time you break a promise to yourself, you also build proof. But it's the opposite kind.

It's the kind that your nervous system sees that you don't follow through. So why would I trust myself on anything bigger if I don't follow through? Your nervous system is keeping a ledger. And every time you keep a promise to yourself, there's a deposit.

But every time you don't, it's a withdrawal. And I I , something that I just think about when I do this work is your nervous system. Think about it. First of all, there's your brain.

And then there's your spinal cord. And from there, like it goes all the way into every single tiny part of your body, your nervous system, your muscles, your like, literally every little part of your body is connected to your nervous system. So when I say nervous system, I want you to think about it. Like this isn't like an entire body decision that moves you towards feeling more confident and having more trust in yourself, or a way.

And it's an entire body decision. Reputation isn't built in the cinematic big moments that everybody notices. It's built in the quiet wins, the boring ones, the ones that are super unsexy, the ones that nobody is watching. It's when you set your alarm for 6am.

And you actually get up at 6am when it goes off, instead of pressing snooze. It's when you hold a boundary, even though it made things super awkward. But you held it anyway. And then on the other side of it, you've noticed that, by the way, you didn't die, you're still okay, and you're proud of yourself that you held it.

It's when you say no, even though yes would have been easier. And would have felt easier too. It's that text that you didn't send. You wanted to send it, you were on your edge of the scene, you were super pissed at whatever you were responding to, but instead you didn't send it.

But that DM that made someone else feel better, you did send. That DM that actually got you business or moved you forward in your life, you did send it. The promise you made to yourself in the shower, that you actually followed through on, those quiet wins, that, my friend, is what's going to help you build an incredible reputation with yourself. Self-trust is not built in the breakthrough, it's built in the quiet wins.

The quiet wins are what become the breakthrough. Next I want to talk about how most women are damned. How most women are damaging their reputation with themselves, and this is where it might get a little uncomfortable because I'm going to walk you through the most common ways the women I work with are quietly destroying their reputation with themselves. And the sad thing is, is like most of them don't even realize they're doing it.

They're completely unaware. I've written down five that I'll talk about, but there are plenty more. The first one is that, But every Monday that you don't start is literally a withdrawal. And your brain learns that my future intentions are negotiable.

I don't actually have to do them. And then you start believing, I probably won't do them. And then you just make that promise again, I'll start next Monday. Next Monday, I will start working out.

Next Monday, I will start recruiting more. Next Monday, I will reach out to my own. Number two is that I'll just say yes this one time, people pleasing. However, every single time that you say yes, when you actually want to say no, it is a withdrawal.

Your nervous system learns my needs come last. And by the way, we talk about saying yes a lot instead of no. When it comes to people pleasing, it's when you're self-betraying. And I want to be clear here because a lot of people, I think, are taking this the wrong way.

They're taking it like, I just do whatever I want to do all the time. And it's more of like a selfish yes. That's not what I'm talking about here. What I'm talking about is when you know it's not right for you, your body knows, but you say yes anyway because you are not honoring your own needs.

That's what this means. It's not just doing whatever you want to do all the time at the expense of other people. That's not what I mean here. Just to be clear.

Okay, number three is the let me sleep on it decision. Even when you already know the answer and you still have to ask five people and you still push it further away from just deciding. The truth is, is that you're not just gathering information. You're not just gathering information.

You're outsourcing the courage to back yourself and what you actually know you need to do. And again, it becomes a withdrawal. Number four is that I shouldn't feel this way. Emotional override.

Every time you dismiss your own feelings, it's a withdrawal. You were allowed to have feelings. You were allowed to listen to your feelings. And when you don't, you're teaching yourself.

That your inner world doesn't count. Anytime the word should comes out of your mouth. Think about it. Because if the word should is coming out of your mouth, it is highly likely that you actually shouldn't be doing whatever is happening.

When you say I shouldn't feel this way, but you do feel that way. It's fine to honor your feelings. Or I should. Think about the word should.

And see if you can remove it from your vocabulary and see what happens in your life. Number five is that they probably didn't mean it that way. Minimization. Every time you talk yourself out of what you noticed, it's a withdrawal.

Every time you gaslight yourself to keep the peace, you fracture your relationship. With reality and your nervous system literally locks it in. And here's why all of this matters so much. This is not just about confidence.

The woman who has a strong reputation with herself, she moves differently. She picks differently. She tolerates differently. She earns differently because she trusts her own word more than she trusts anyone else's opinion.

Think about that. Okay. Do you trust your own word more than you trust other people's opinion? And if not, ask yourself why.

The truth is you have the answers inside you. You always have. You just need to trust them. So let's talk about how you rebuild it.

How you actually can start doing this work today. I'm going to give you two rules. Just two. Rule number one, make smaller promises to yourself.

Most women try to rebuild self-trust by making like big dramatic promises that they know that they're not going to keep because they're big and dramatic. They feel like a mountain to climb. It's that I'm going to wake up at 5 a. m.

every single day. I'm going to journal for an hour. I'm going to work out. I'm going to meal prep and I'm going to meditate and I'm going to have it all done by 7 a.

m. every single day. The entire year of 2026. Yeah, it feels heavy.

And then they break that promise by Wednesday, even though they just made it on Monday. And all it does is reinforce that they can't trust their own word. What if you were to make a small one? I'm going to wake up at 5 a.

m. tomorrow. And I'm going to see how my morning goes. Maybe you decide to journal, but you don't put like a time on it.

You don't put a time on your workout or meal prep or whatever it is. You just make something a little smaller that is something that you can keep. You're not going to rebuild self-trust, which, by the way, self-trust breeds confidence if you haven't gathered that yet. But you don't build that through big promises.

You rebuild it through small ones that you can actually keep. So just start small. Even if it feels embarrassing, you're the only one that knows. But I tell you what, the second that you keep it, you're going to feel amazing.

In fact, today I did this on the bike. So I am training for, well, I'm supposed to be training for a couple marathons in the next couple months. But I have a hamstring tear. And the hamstring tear has really set back.

My training. And so I've had to do different workouts. I've had to really baby this hamstring tear. Anyway, I got on the bike today.

It's doing a little bit better. And so I was doing cardio. And I literally wanted to get off the bike at minute 20. But I had promised myself that I would go till minute 60.

And I literally fought with that clock. And the commitment I made to myself from minute 20 all the way to minute 60. But guess what? The woman I'm becoming won.

I stayed on that bike for 60 minutes. And when I got off the bike, I felt amazing because I kept my promise. I got the workout that I needed to win. And I did a training session that I really, truly needed, even with this injury.

So even if you're in a little fight with yourself, let the stronger one win. The woman that you're becoming, let her win. Okay, that's rule number one. Make smaller promises.

Kind of went on a tangent there. Okay, rule number two is keep the promises in private. The most powerful self-trust you can build is in the moments where nobody's watching. Just like me on the bike today.

No one knew if I was going to work out for the full 60 minutes but myself. The most powerful self-trust is built when nobody is actually looking at you. When no one is keeping track of what you're doing. The version of you that does the thing.

When nobody is actually looking at you. When nobody knows if you would do it. Or if you didn't do it, excuse me. That is the woman that you're becoming.

You keep your promises you make to yourself. The woman you're becoming is shaped by what you do when nobody's clapping for you. When nobody's cheering. When nobody's in the room.

When nobody actually sees how you live your day every day. Okay, so this is what I want you to do this week. This week I want you to pick one small promise. Just one.

Nothing big. It might be that you decide to drink water before coffee. It might be that you decide to close your laptop at 7pm. Maybe you decide that you don't check your phone for the first 10 minutes that you're awake.

Or you send one out. Or you reach DM a day. Just pick one small promise that you know that you can keep. And I want you to keep that promise for five days.

And I want you to notice how you feel about yourself by day five. Every single promise that you keep is proof. And it's proof that there's a new deposit. Every deposit is your reputation getting stronger.

The reputation with yourself. If you take anything from this episode, let it be this. You don't need to become more confident. You need to become a woman whose word means something to herself.

The magnetic, grounded, I don't flinch when someone questions me energy that you're trying to build. It's not personality. It's not a vibe. It's a reputation that you're building.

Every time you keep a promise. And it's one promise at a time. And here's the beautiful thing. You can start rebuilding today with just one tiny promise.

Five days of follow through of that promise. That's it. That's literally the work. If this hit, I want to hear from you.

DM me. Let me know how it goes. I even want to know what promise you decide that you're going to start keeping. Like if you reached out to me and said, this is the promise that I'm keeping.

This week, I would be so excited. I read every single message and I would respond to you. If you want to go deeper on this, if you want to do this work inside a room of women who are doing this work together and rebuilding their reputation with themselves, that's what we do inside the Unblocked Women Collective. And it's always available for you.

The link is in the show notes. It's also on my website. If you like this episode, make sure that you share it. You send it to someone in your life.

Who needs to stop waiting to feel confident. Someone that you know would appreciate this episode. If you haven't already, make sure you subscribe because we're just getting started. It has not been that long since we rebranded to the Unblocked Woman.

And we were not airing episodes for an entire year as we were working on this rebrand. So we would love for more people to tune in. So make sure that you help not just us, but other women by sending this. Sending this to someone who would love to hear it.

I will see you next week. Go keep your promise. Let me know how it goes. Bye.

Thanks for listening to the Unblocked Woman. Listen, you don't rise by waiting. You rise by leading. So if this episode sparked a shift, send it to a woman who needs to hear it next.

And if you're ready to go deeper, join the Unblocked Woman Collective or begin the Unblocked Method at amysanders. co. And remember, see it, shift it, become magnetic. Your next level starts now.