The Shortcut To Happiness

We spend so much energy chasing happiness. Chasing better routines, doing more self-care, chasing the next goal, the next big achievement, the next version of ourselves that we think will finally make us feel like we're enough. And a lot of the work is good work. We're doing good things.

But I want to hand to you a shortcut today that most people overlook completely because it doesn't look like self-improvement at all. Welcome to the Unblocked Woman podcast. I'm Amy Sanders. For years, I believed the next level of my life and business would come from a better strategy, working harder, figuring out that perfect plan.

But eventually, I saw the real truth. The biggest ceiling in our lives is not strategy, it's identity. The patterns we don't see, the subtle ways we play small, the version of ourselves that we keep defaulting back to even when we know we're capable of more. This podcast is where we bring those patterns into the light.

We talk about identity, leadership, growth, and what it actually takes to become the woman who can truly hold the life and business she wants. No fluff, no performance, just honest conversation about stepping fully into your power. So go ahead and subscribe and follow the show. And remember, the moment you see the pattern, you can finally break it.

We spend so much energy chasing happiness, chasing better routines, doing more self-care, chasing the next goal, the next big achievement, the next version of ourselves that we think will finally make us feel like we're enough. And a lot of the work is good work. We're doing good things. And I teach a lot of this myself, and I do a lot of this myself.

But I want to hand to you a shortcut today that most people overlook completely, including myself, because it doesn't look like self-improvement at all. The fastest way to feel good, is to make somebody else feel good. It's not a self-care sundae or a bubble bath, although I really do like those. It's service.

And I don't mean the heavy, exhausting kind, volunteering every weekend, running yourself into the ground, trying to do more. I mean the small, simple kind. Cookies on a doorstep, maybe a gift sent early because you won't make the shower, a text that says, I'm thinking of you, something so small that it barely registers as a task, and yet it changes the entire emotional temperature of your day. Literally changes your day.

And here's what's crazy about it. Our culture has trained us to believe happiness is an inside job you do alone. More self-focused, more self-optimization, more attention turned inward. And some of that is true, as we work on mindset and reconnecting to ourselves and, you know, healing through trauma.

All of this can be somewhat true. But when it comes to actual joy, actual peace, actual happiness, contentment, the research and the lived experience both point somewhere else entirely. They both point, they all point outward. Outward towards other people.

Towards small, unremarkable acts of lightening someone else's load. So if service is the shortcut, why does it work so fast and so reliably? It comes down to one word. And this one word is one of the most important words in human behavior and in society.

The word is connection. Connection is the most important word in human behavior. Connection is the actual ingredient, the shortcut to happiness. Happiness and joy, they do not come from achievement.

That can feel good. But that deep fulfillment, that happiness and joy that we are talking about, that we are chasing all the time, they come from connection. Connection with yourself, peace with yourself, trust with yourself, and connection with and to other people. Service is simply the fastest, most reliable bridge to both.

Joy is not something you achieve. It's not somewhere you end up. Joy is something that you connect into. And you can do it fastest through service.

I want to talk about a phrase I use for this. The phrase is belly to belly. Actual physical in the same room presence. Showing up on someone's doorstep.

Sitting across from someone at their kitchen table. That's something that people don't really do anymore. And it's not because we've stopped caring about each other, but it's because we've replaced it. We've replaced it with text messages instead of making the drive.

We like the post on someone's social media instead of picking up the phone and actually talking to them. We comment thinking of you instead of actually being with them as they're going through something. And honestly, none of it is wrong. None of it's wrong.

But it's also not belly to belly either. And our nervous systems know the difference. Even with our busy schedules and even when our schedules don't, our nervous systems do. I want you to think about the last time somebody came to your door, knocked on the door unexpectedly, but you love them dearly.

And as you answer that door, they give you a really, really big hug and say, hey, I'm just thinking about you and wanted to check in. Were you mad about it? Were you like, oh my gosh, I'm so bugged. Get off my doorstep.

I'm guessing that you weren't. I'm guessing that instead it made you feel important. It made you feel seen. It made you feel like you mattered and your heart softened.

I'm betting you were happy. Now I want to ask you when the last time was that you did that. Same thing. When was the last time you showed up for somebody?

And this isn't a guilt trip or anything. It's just, it's just something to think about. And I've been guilty of this too. But I have to say, every time someone actually shows up, even if they're showing up on my doorstep with some cookies, but I get to physically see them, say thank you to them, hug them.

That is way better than just a drop off or a text. Social media has changed the name of the game of connection. And it's gave us access to everyone. But it's also given us connection to almost no one.

Today, in today's world, more people are feeling more lonely, even though they can be socially connected on social media to more people. And the reason why is because we have replaced a lot of this belly to belly. But this is why tribes and small communities are tighter than us. Indigenous tribes, small towns, and tight-knit neighborhoods, they survive and they thrive because they serve each other constantly.

They are in their lives all the time. Their lives are built in, like seeing each other. It's like a built-in thing of daily life. It's not a special occasion.

It's just not a special drop by. It's not like a once a month thing. It's like, they are working together, seeing each other, talking to each other on the daily. And this is also why religious communities are so often described as some of the happiest, most connected people you'll ever meet.

It's not necessarily because of the theology that they're learning and they're studying together. It's because of the structure underneath it. It's the community. It's the built-in opportunities to serve each other.

It's the built-in reasons why people show up for each other. Religion, if you're meeting on a specific day or maybe even twice a week or three times a week, you're seeing those people regularly and your connection deepens. It gives you the opportunity to drop in a mill when somebody's sick and you actually know they're sick because they're not there. It gives you the opportunity to knock on a door when someone's grieving because you know they're grieving because they are in your life.

A community that notices when you are missing, a community that notices when you are missing, that is why the tribes, the small communities, the small towns, the tight-knit neighborhoods, the religious communities, that is why they work. And the thing is, is you don't have to be part of a religion to get that. But you do need to give more of yourself to get the feeling that comes with it. Connection isn't something that happens to you.

It's something you build on purpose in the small daily acts. And I think that's one of the things I don't want this to be a thing where you're adding more to your to-do list. You're mentally starting to make notes like, oh, now I need to serve more people in order to have happiness. And I already have a full to-do list.

I need to stop you right there because that's not what I'm talking about. I don't want you to be bracing that this is like a podcast about becoming more obligated and doing more. I'm not telling you to add more to your plate. I'm saying you probably have more capacity than you think you do.

This is not a do more, give more, stretch yourself thinner reminder. If anything, it's the opposite. You don't find yourself by looking harder at yourself and adding more. You find yourself by looking outward.

So much of the self-improvement world tells us to go inward, journal more, reflect more, focus on your traumas, heal your traumas, analyze your patterns more. And yes, we do talk about patterning on this podcast a lot. And there is a real value in all of those things. But when it's taken too far, it can become a trap.

You can spend so much time looking inward that you actually lose yourself in the looking. The way out a lot of time isn't more introspection. It's expansion. It's looking outside yourself towards the people in your life and finding that version of you that shows up for someone else.

And that version of you is often more of a trap. It's often more you than the version that's stuck in your own head. Does that make sense? Did you hear what I just said?

And with this, I want to tell you a story because it is something that has stayed with me for years and years. And the story is that I was a young mom and I had at the time just two little kids. I think I was pregnant with my third. And I got assigned in the religion that I'm part of, I got assigned to visit the sister that was way older than me.

She was like 20-something years older than me, I think. Don't quote me on that. But I was wondering, what in the world do I have in common with this person that's way older than me? But I went and I would visit her.

I visited her regularly. And I learned that she loved little kids and loved little babies. I also learned that she struggled with depression. And what she knew about herself was that when she served other people, the depression was less.

When she looked for ways to help, she felt more happiness. And so she would actively do that to lessen the depression. Well, I was the one that was assigned to know her, get to know her, serve her. But what happened was literally the opposite.

I still feel like I owe this woman so much. I owe this woman so much. By meeting her, we not only became really good dear friends, and to this day, my kids still call her Linny. Kind of like a grandma name.

And my kids are, you know, youngest of 17. But she started serving me as a young mom. My husband at the time was gone a lot. And I was alone a lot with my two little kids and third one on the way.

And for the six years I lived by her, our relationship deepened and grew. But I have to say that she served me more, way more than I served her. But it's because she felt that happiness and that joy. But it was such a lesson to me because she was at a place where she could.

I was strapped with time. I was totally busy with everything I had going on in my life. My little kids, my teaching fitness classes, my holding my house together. She had a little more time.

She had a little more space and she served me. She helped me. She would watch my kids. She would lighten my load.

And even though I felt like roles were supposed to be reversed, I was supposed to be helping her and the opposite happened. We became really tight. Tight enough to where my kids still have the deepest, and I do too, the deepest love for her. Because she looked outside of herself.

That's what happens when you look outside of yourself. And something that I think is really important to note is that service is actually good for you and for the person. Service doesn't feel like a burden. It doesn't drain you.

When you're doing it correctly, you're not resentful. You're not exhausted. And you're not stretched out. You're not stretched too thin while doing it.

If you're feeling that way, that's not the kind of service I'm talking about. That's overcommitment, wearing a halo or looking good. Service actually creates joy. It's the small things.

The things that are doable. It's something that you can do in five minutes, 20 minutes. Maybe on your way out the door. A drop by, a text, sharing something you already have.

Like maybe the free refills we tell our neighbors they can have from our backyard honeybees. It's just the little things. And I want to, the reason why I'm even talking about this today is because of what happened to me today. And I was like, I want to talk about this.

And so here we are. So today, and the whole reason for this podcast that I'm recording in the evening, because my day, is towards the end of the day now, is that I woke up with a full day. And I mean, it was really full. I had multiple podcast recordings and interviews today.

I have my marathon training that I'm doing for the Sydney and the New York Marathon that are coming up. I have a book launch that we're working on for next week. I have a solo book that I'm editing that's coming out in a couple months. And Chris and I are right around the corner from rolling out, the mirror.

I'm going to talk more about this. It's literally the best product I've ever created. I'm so excited for people to get their hands on it. But bottom line, we have a lot going on.

But I also had a list of things that I wanted to do for people that I love. And they weren't huge, but they were things that mattered to me. And some of the things on the list is one of my friend's daughters is having a baby. I'm not going to be in town for the bridal shower.

So I wanted to send a gift early instead of just skipping it. Another one of my friend's sons is leaving for a couple of years. And I love that kid so freaking much. So I wanted to get a package to him.

I wanted to give him one more big hug. And I wanted to bring him some cookies that he loves, which means I also needed to make them, make him those cookies because they're these homemade chocolate chip cookies that he loves. And I wanted to buy some stuff at the store that he would like. Some family friends also needed some help with the funeral.

And I wanted to get some stuff with the store that he would like. And I wanted to get some stuff and I wanted to help them out. So I was committed to that too. Sending some money and then bringing some food.

Anyway, on top of that, super small thing, but my renter had run out of the honey that we give people around us. And we always tell our neighbors and our friends that there are free refills to this honey because we have backyard beehives. And so I wanted to drop some off for her. Anyway, all of these things are small.

That's my point. None of them are very big, but they do take time. And my day was full. But these are things that I did want to get done.

So I decided to do things differently and just see how things landed. Instead of telling myself, I'll fit these in somewhere at the end of the day if there's time, which usually means that maybe they get pushed to tomorrow or maybe the next day. Maybe they're forgotten. I just decided to get them off my list.

I'm like, you know what? I'm going to get my run in today. I'm going to get some of the calls that are on my calendar in the morning done. And then I'm going to do these things before I come back to my work.

That's just the goal or the commitment I made with myself. Here's what happened. Even with my completely full day, there was time and room for all of them. None of them blew up my schedule and it didn't cost me the day.

I thought that I didn't have room for them, but it turns out that I had room for all of them. And what surprised me even more was how the rest of the day felt, which has brought forth this podcast. My day has felt very full. Not in the overwhelmed sense, like I'm doing too much, but in a good sense.

Like this is what life is about. Serving the people that we love. My day has felt happy. It has felt good.

It was fun making the cookies. It was fun shopping for the baby gift. It was, it was, it felt really great to write a heartfelt note to my friend's son. Instead of spending mental energy all day worrying about how I was going to squeeze them in, I just did them.

And I noticed that I was significantly happier. I have been happy all day. Not to say that I'm not happy a lot, but you know what I'm saying. And the truth is, once I sat down to do stuff on my business, all of it fell into the play, all of it fell into place and I had room for all of it, including adding one more podcast episode, which is this one, by the way.

Things felt easier, lighter, like doing the service actually fueled the rest of my day. And I thought, this is a good reminder for everybody, for myself, but also for the people who tune in. And that's exactly why I wanted to talk about it. When you serve someone, and you brighten their day in some small, doable way, it feels good.

It feels good for them, obviously, but it feels just as good for you. And that's not coincidence, and it's not a nice to have this extra thing or whatever. I think it's the way that we're supposed to work in society. This is how we are built.

We are built for this. And social media and screens have quietly pulled us away from it. The belly-to-belly connection, the doing the things for other people, the small service, small acts of service and ways that we used to serve people all around us without thinking about it twice. So if this works and it does, the question becomes, how do you actually build it into a life that's already full?

And I want to make that simple for you. The first thing is just keep the list small. You don't need some grand gesture, some big thing. It could be cookies like I made today, a text, a drop-by, free refills on whatever you have.

For us, it's honey. Maybe an extra loaf of bread or 20 minutes of your time. Just keep the list small. Just do something.

The second thing I have listed here is do it first, not last. This was the real lesson for me today. I did some of the things I had to do first. It was going to be super hot outside, so I needed to get my run in before the heat.

I had a couple early morning or calls on my morning schedule that I couldn't move. So I did that and then I just moved into these things. When I did the small things, towards the first part of the day instead of waiting if there's time, not only did they actually happen, but the rest of the day got easier, not harder. The third thing that I've listed is make it about people already in your life.

It doesn't have to be someone that you haven't talked to in 10 years, but it could be. It could be as simple as serving your child, your partner, your friend, your neighbor. This isn't about finding new places to volunteer, although you could. But I'm talking about the people that are already inside your world.

Just noticing what would lighten their load today and then doing that thing. The fourth thing on my list is just choose belly to belly when you can. Of course, there's going to be times where you can't do this and it makes it harder just because your schedule or whatever, and that's fine. A text is fine.

But if you can take five minutes on the doorstep, do it. If you can pick up your phone and actually make the call, do it. If you can sit across from the table with someone, do it. When you do those things, it actually rewires how connected you feel to people and also how connected those people feel to you.

So don't let the really easy versions replace the real ones every single time. You can do the easy ones, but also try to fit in some of the real ones. Kind of a Cliff Notes, version of what I just said, is you don't need more time for this. You just need to do it first instead of last.

Make a note. So here's what I want you to walk away with today. The fastest way to happiness isn't more self-focus, it's connection. With yourself, with the people around you, and the bridge that connects that the fastest is service.

Simple, small, doable things that you can do that don't take that much time, it's not about adding more things to your plate. Instead, it's a way of looking outward instead of only inward and finding more of yourself in the process. So here's your homework. Yes, you do.

You have some homework. Think of one person in your life today, whether it's your child, your partner, your friend, your neighbor, and ask yourself, what's one small thing I could do to lighten their load today? And then go do the thing. I'm not talking about when you find the time.

I'm talking about like, maybe when you get done with this podcast. Go do the thing today. And lastly, if this episode reminded you of a person you've been meaning to reach out to, this is your little nudge. Go reach out to them.

Send them a text. Better yet, go show up on their doorstep instead. I bet they would love to see you. If you're not subscribed, subscribe so you don't miss what next week's episode.

And go make someone's day today. It'll probably make yours too. With that, I will see you next week and I hope you have a fabulous week. Bye.

Okay, before you go, don't let this become another episode that you listened to, loved, and then did nothing with. Take what came up for you today and bring it into the mirror. Bring it the decision that you're overthinking, the conversation you're avoiding, the pattern that you keep repeating, or simply say, here's what's happening. Help me see what I can't see.

The mirror knows your patterns, your Enneagram, your human design, and it remembers the work you've already done. So the reflection is personal to you. Find the mirror in the show notes or at amysanders. co forward slash mirror.

And until next time, see it, shift it, and become magnetic.