What If You Just Asked? The Scary Ask That Could Change Your Life with Patty Aubery

Today is a special day. We have a guest. She is a true powerhouse. I was following a lot of her work because she was behind the scenes creating this incredible billion dollar brand with Jack Canfield.

So she went from being a secretary at a small self-help company to becoming the president and driving the force behind Chicken Soup for the Soul Empire. Her real superpower is that she helps you find your voice, your story, and she also helps you have permission to actually be seen. Welcome to the Unblocked Woman podcast. I'm Amy Sanders.

For years, I believed the next level of my life and business would come from a better strategy. Working harder, figuring out that perfect plan. But eventually, I saw the real truth. The biggest ceiling in our lives is not strategy.

It's identity. The patterns we don't see. The subtle ways we play small. The version of ourselves that we keep defaulting back to even when we know we're capable of more.

This podcast is where we bring those patterns into the light. We talk about identity, leadership, growth, and what it actually takes to become the woman who can truly hold the life and business she wants. No fluff, no performance, just honest conversation about stepping fully into your power. So go ahead and subscribe and follow the show.

And remember, the moment you see the pattern, you can finally break it. Hello, everyone. We are back here on the Unblocked Woman podcast. I'm your host, Amy Sanders.

And today is a special day because we truly have, we have a guest, but she is a true powerhouse. And when I saw her application come in to just get interviewed, I was stoked. I was like, yes, this is an absolute yes. We're bringing her onto the show because in the personal development world for a long time and without knowing it, I was following a lot of her work because she was behind the scenes creating this incredible billion dollar brand with Jack Canfield.

So she went from being a secretary at a small self-help company to becoming the president and driving the force behind Chicken Soup for the Soul Empire. So if you read that book, which you probably have, she's one of those masterminds behind it. So we're super excited to have her here. She also is a co-author in multiple New York Times bestsellers, which if you don't know about that, it takes a lot to get on New York Times bestseller.

I'm Amazon bestseller and I still, I'm still waiting for the day where I can also claim that title and she claims it. So I'm excited to have her here and we can talk about even more credentials because she does have them. But I also want to say that her real superpower, we're going to learn more about her real superpower is that she helps you find your voice, your story, and she also helps you have permission to actually be seen. And as women, I think a lot of us struggle with being seen.

So she's worked with and partnered with Jack Canfield for 36 years. And yes, if you don't know him, I don't know how you don't know him, but if you don't know him, you should. He has been in this personal development world for like ever. And she channels her expertise and everything into the mission that she's working on now.

So she's real, she's raw. She's here to talk to you. She's here to talk to us. So Patty, welcome to the show.

I'm so excited to have you here. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. It's good to see you.

So tell me a little bit. I know I have a lot of questions for you and we're going to dive into those. But before I do, I just want to hear from you, like your story, your background, and then just what that looks like. And then we'll just dive into the other questions that I have.

Okay. I'll do it as fast as I can because it's really long because I'm old. All right. So I, I grew up in a family that was middle, you know, middle class, the oldest girl out of four kids.

I have an older brother and went to college in LA, grew up in the Valley. So I was an official Valley girl, went to San Diego State, got done, met my first husband, decided I didn't like him, left there, left him, went back to my parents' house in Los Angeles and looked through the paper for a job. And I had just taken a training and it was the first self-help training I'd ever taken. And, and I said, I'm going to make, my goal was I'm going to make $25,000 by January 1st, 1989.

And so I, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm visualizing, I'm doing all these things. And I look at the paper and I see 25,000 a year and it's in bold. I'm like, oh my gosh. And then it says secretary wanted.

And I was like, oh, it's the last thing I want to be as a secretary. But something inside said, just, just answer that. You know, why not? Okay.

So I did. Long story short, turned out to be Jack Canfield. I went and interviewed with him. At the time he was doing self-esteem in the classroom workshops for teachers and he was living in the Palisades and which is now most of it's burned down in LA.

And I went to meet with him and his wife. It was so weird, by the way, Amy. I mean, I literally go into a stranger's house. It's total hippieville, red carpet, potpourri everywhere, incense burning.

These people are really weird. And I'm a valley girl. I'm big hair, long nail. I was like, just total 1989.

Let's just remember what that year was. And so anyway, I went in, I met with them. And then, and I didn't really know them and they didn't really explain what they did well. I didn't even know what self-esteem was, honestly.

It was like, it was a word that was before its time on lots of levels. And so they called back and said, you know, we've decided to go with someone that has more experience in the hotel industry. And I was like, all right. And then I went and I was talking to some of my friends and said, yeah, I interviewed with this guy and they had heard of me.

And they had heard of me. And they said, oh, we heard he's really cool. So then I was, I had FOMO. I was like bummed that I didn't get the job.

And then he called me back a couple months later and said, you know what? I feel like the person, I feel like we're supposed to work together. The girl that I hired didn't work out. Can you come back and talk to me?

I said, I can, but it's going to cost you 30,000. Because, you know. Oh. And he was like.

I love that. Just come in and have lunch with me. So I did. And he was, you know, he went to Harvard.

He was smart. He was generous. So I thought, well, if I can do 30,000 now, maybe there's more to the story. And literally, I started working for him.

And he came up. We were working at his house. And about a weekend, he said, okay, I have to leave for two weeks here. And no direction, nothing.

And so I started just doing what this other old woman was telling me to do. She worked there. And they were typing their invoices. And they were drawing their slides on, you know, those projectors.

And they had this guy coming in to fix the old archaic computer. And I was looking at the bills. Because I kind of had to do everything. So I had to pay the bills.

I had to open the mail. I had to design stuff. Like, why are we paying this guy this much? So I basically reworked the entire business within, like, the first two months.

I bought Macintosh computers. I exported everything. Put it in there. I fired the guy that was making, like, 50,000 a year.

And I said, look, here's how we're going to do these things. I created slides for him that were real slides that you printed out, you know, that weren't ugly. And I said, and I'm no longer a secretary. I'm vice president of operations.

And he said, OK. And so that's OK. I love this, though. Katie, how old were you?

I want to know how old were you. You're 25. OK. I mean, that's super bold.

Right out of the gate. Yeah. And I love it. OK.

I think I was 20. I just turned 24, like, two months before I met him. So maybe I was 25. I could have been 24.

So anyway, that happened. And then one day, he came back to the office and said, I think. He said, you know, I was at this gig today. And everybody keeps asking me if I have these stories I tell from stage in a book.

And I keep saying, no, no, no. I think we're supposed to put these stories in a book. And I was like, OK. So we started collecting.

He was writing down all the people he wanted to get stories from. It was like Les Brown and Brian Tracy and different people. Like, he wanted the best story that they told from the platform. Because he knew they worked.

They were time tested. When you're on the platform, you know what your audience is saying about a story. So it's a pretty good idea. Yeah.

At the time, I was 24. So I didn't have an opinion. Today, I would have been like, what are you talking about? You probably wouldn't have liked it.

I know I'm interrupting you. I'm just fascinated. OK. So where was he in his business at this point?

Because Chicken Soup for the Soul was what really made him go big, right? So where was he? He was 40-something years old, 47 maybe. And he was not even 47, I think, 46 maybe.

He was making about $100,000 a year. He was always a little entrepreneurial. He also sold NSA water filters. And he was doing OK in that.

He was a pretty entrepreneurial kind of guy, but very calm, very shy, not obnoxious. He was a good other side of me, honestly. It was totally a match made in heaven. I didn't know it at the time.

So we started just doing the self-esteem in the classroom stuff. We started putting these stories in a book. Somewhere along the line, about three quarters of the way through the first book, he went to this breakfast club meeting. And Mark Victor Hansen was there.

And he said, I want to do that with you. And Jack, of course, said, OK, without saying, well, wait a second. Anyway, so he said yes. So Mark came on board.

And we finished the first book. And then we gave it to an agent. And the agent couldn't sell it, gave it back to us. And we got the first book published in 1993 with a small publisher in Florida.

And we had to guarantee 20,000 books sold. So if we didn't... And if he didn't sell the books, we had to buy them from him. Because everybody told us no.

They just said, it'll never work. Yeah. So we were working on that. And then it was me, Jack, Mark, and our publisher, Peter, basically.

And they were always arguing, going back and forth. And then we did Chicken Soup a second serving. We started doing other books. But they made me the president of the company because I was the only one that could wrangle all three guys, basically.

Also, I love this. Also, it's so great. So I took on that responsibility. And then I hired a bunch of people about, I want to say...

Well, and what's interesting, too, is... So we started this thing in 89. We got published in 93. I got pregnant in 94.

Right when the book starts to have a little bit of legs. And so I was like, oh, crap. What do I do? Yeah.

There was no way I was going to stay at home because I'd worked so hard. And I also didn't know how I was going to tell Jack, hey, by the way, our book's finally taking off and we have all these plans. And guess what? I'm pregnant.

So I was really scared to tell him. And I went in. I'm like, I'm pregnant. He's like, that's amazing.

It'll work. Don't worry. We'll figure it out. You know, which was pretty cool.

And so my son went to work with me every single day, like two weeks after I had him. Wow. Drove an hour each way to the office and had JT in tow. So that sort of started.

And then... At the back of the first book, it said... My publisher called and said, we have a blank page. Do you want to add anything?

And I was like, no, we're done. I'm so sick of this book. I've edited it six times. I don't care.

And Jack's like, no, no, hold on. Let's ask people if they have a story. So I was like, all right. If you have a story, so I'm typing it out.

And people started sending stories in and stories and stories, like to the point where we had giant boxes from the mailman coming up these stairs. And so... We started reading those. And then we decided to do a second serving.

And then we had a friend, Marcy Shymoff, who was also in the self-esteem world. She called and said, hey, I have this idea, Chicken Soup for the Women's Soul. And Jack said, great. Thank you very much.

I'll talk to Mark about it. She's like, no, no, no. Last time I checked, you're not a woman. And so she came on with her business partner and we did Chicken Soup for the Women's Soul.

And then I was... So I'm here working, working, working. And my mom's diagnosed with cancer. And my sister, who's helping me while I'm pregnant, says, hey, you know, why don't we do Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul and just bring stories to mom?

And she had a background in nursing and she was actually studying for her state boards, which is why she was working for me part-time. And I said, this is horrible, but I said it. I said, why would they let us do that? We work here.

And she said, why would they not let you do it? You're running the company and you've been slaving away for years on zero money. I mean, literally, we were broke. And so as scared to death as possible, we went into this conference room.

We sat down. Mark and Jack are there. We're like, we have this proposal. We want to go buy, you know, we want to run it by you.

And I was thinking they're going to say no. And she's kicking me under the table. Like, come on, spit it out. Say it.

And we want to do this book. You know, and they're like, it's a great idea. Great. Put on schedule.

Like, that simple. Like, what? And I'm like, okay. All right, cool.

Thanks. You know, like, actually, like, of course. But... Of course.

This is going to happen. This is what we do here. Yeah. Right.

So my thought process is like, why me? Why should they give it to me? I got a C in English. I'm not this.

I'm not that. Blah, blah, blah. And, you know, I say to the women I work with, like, why are we taking ourselves out of the game before the coach even puts us on the field? You know, and I was ready to, I mean, I would have settled if it wasn't for my obnoxious sister, who's really obnoxious.

I wouldn't have gone through with that. And if I hadn't gone through... I wouldn't have gone through with that, it wouldn't have led to Chicken Soup of the Christian Soul and Chicken Soup to the Expectant Mother's Soul and Father-Daughter Soul and Busy Mom's Soul. Like, everything that was happening in my life, I started doing books on.

And I ended up doing 14 of the Chicken Soup of the Soul books. I had three that were New York Times bestsellers. And my Chicken Soup of the Christian Soul had a million books in the first print run. And I was...

Oh, geez. I was 30. I mean, but all of this stuff never would have happened if I hadn't... If I hadn't made that one big, giant, scary ask, that really wasn't that big of an ask to Jack or Mark.

But I would have... It was to you. It was to me. Yeah.

It was to you. And I think that's important because how often do we not do the big, scary ask when really it's something small? Yeah. It's so true.

And, I mean, today, you know, it's been, I don't know, like, almost four... I think we worked together at 40 years. Almost 40 years. So, I'm 61.

Um, it's a long time, but it seems ridiculous now. But back then, and if I think back, like, if I hadn't had somebody like my sister pushing me, who is majorly entitled, by the way, but it worked at that moment for me, I probably would look 105 and be, like, dead because I'd be so resentful that they didn't read my mind and offer me something. But there was no... I mean, they were just two guys.

Two guys doing something they'd never done before. I mean, you know, we were all in this new territory. I mean, Jack was, like, first check we got was over a million dollars. And it took us years to get a check because we would buy books from the publisher, and we were speaking all the time, and we'd sell them in the back of the room.

And literally, those book sales, like, $4 a book, was what paid us for a year and a half. I mean, I think we owed the publisher, like, $400,000 at one point. And he just, he kept sending books because he knew it was good. I mean, they were selling through it.

The bookstore level. But we weren't selling enough to make up for what we owed him. So, it took us a long time to actually get a check. Yeah.

But, you know, it just, it's so, it's such one of those stories of where we tell ourselves stories that don't support where we want to go, and they limit us at such a level. And, you know, I was guilty as charged. Yeah. But also, there were times in your life, just looking back at back then, I love this story so much because also you're painting the picture.

I'm not sure what 1989 looks like. You know, the mailbox, the mailman with, like, the big boxes of mail coming, you know? Like, there was not email yet. No car phones, by the way, and an hour, at least an hour each way to work.

It's what you had to do, but you guys were doing it. And even the fact that you're like, it's going to cost you $30,000. So, even though there were, you know, times where you're saying you weren't speaking up, like, really crucial times in your life, you did speak up. Even if it was your sister saying, hey, she's, like, nudging you.

Like, speak. Go. Ask. And so often.

And I also love the fact that I'm just hearing Jack's story from your lens because he, you know, in my mind, I had been following him since then, since probably the early 90s. And I was young. So, I was 10 in 1990. You were in your pre-teen, young teen soul, and yeah.

Yeah, I was reading all those things and loving how I felt. And so, he was, like, a big instrumental part in my self-development world throughout all of that. And so, this time, and here I am, and you were also right there next to him, and you're saying, well, he's just a man that didn't know what he was doing either, but you kept doing it. And also, the part of the story where you're like, and by the way, we were broke.

Because no one's talking about that. Like, it took you a few years of just continually pushing to see that through, and then you doing the big ask. Yeah. No, it's true.

It's true. I mean, we, you know, you have to print manuscripts. You have to print manuscripts out of your printer to send them out to people when you don't have an agent. And we couldn't pay, I mean, the toner bill, toner's expensive.

I mean, at one point, I owed, I think it was thousands of dollars that we owed to the toner company, and I kept having to renegotiate our toner bills and renegotiate our rent. We had an office, and, you know, the Gulf War hit, and Jack's gigs dried up because people weren't flying. It was like, it was almost like a COVID moment, even though it was just, I mean, today we'd have a war. It's like, yeah, whatever, you know, but then it was a big deal.

We hadn't had a war forever. So, the economy was rocky, and, but the thing about it, too, was we had Mark, who, if you don't know Mark Fitzgerald, he's like bigger than life. You know, kid, you make it, you make it, and he's visualizing, he's realizing, you got to believe it to see it. I'm like, Mark, if this doesn't work, we're starting a church.

And he was a Bible scholar, so we could. And then I had Jack, who's like, Mark, calm down, cross the T's, dot the I's. I mean, Jack's a teacher. You know, he was.

Yeah. That's what he was. So, I had this bigger than life, and then this really consistent, just consistent, consistent, consistent. So, and I was a crazy kid.

I mean, they should have fired me a thousand times. And, but I had these two people that really just helped mold who I became. You know, it was crazy how it all. I feel like if we follow our intuition, and my intuition said, take this job, and my dad said, what are you doing?

You are not working for an effing company. You are not working for an effing hippie. I sent you to school to do business. And, you know, I was like, Dad, the hippie went to Harvard.

Let's just try it out. You know, maybe I'll get a Harvard education on top of something. And so, everybody said, you're crazy. My best friend said, come and work at my car dealership.

We'll pay you a hundred plus a year. But some, and I wasn't in self-help. I mean, I took the one course, but I didn't really care about it. I didn't believe in it.

But something said, do this. And I feel like if we just are brave enough to do, to take, to like, those are little, like, whispers, right? Yes. But it changed my life completely from what it was.

I mean, completely. Completely. I mean, I have, like, complete, like, starstruck eyes thinking that you've got to hang out with Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield because I was reading all of their books. Yeah.

I was drinking the Kool-Aid, which is what led me here. Yeah. I mean, really, you know, I was, and I told you before we hit go on the podcast, like, I was a fitness instructor. I was making up fitness routines when I was.

12 and 13 years old. And back then, by the way, that was after the 80s. So we're into the 90s now when fitness wasn't a thing anymore. So there wasn't workout clothes.

Right. During the 90s. There wasn't. Because it wasn't a thing anymore.

And I was, like, in there thinking, this feels good. And I'm reading my self-help books and I'm, like, 13 years old. Anyway, so. But you were a huge part of that.

And that's incredible. So. He is. Is he done now?

Has he retired or is he retiring? What does that look like now? So he officially. He officially kind of retired about a year ago.

And he's just around the corner. Like, I could be there in five minutes. But he's not really retired. I mean, we got rid of the company because we had so many employees.

And, you know, he's just turned 82 yesterday. Even though he thinks he's 30 and he really acts like he's 12 sometimes. But he's like a kid. But he's working on a book right now.

It's called Ayahuasca for the Soul. Of course it is. Ayahuasca for the Soul. I see.

So, you know, he's always. I do a couple things with him a year. He's always in the front row taking notes. I mean, he's still writing books and on podcasts and does different things.

But he's formally kind of retired. Yeah. I feel like in this world you don't ever really, really, really retire because you love it. Yeah.

It's hard for him. I don't. It would be really hard for him. I think it would also be really hard for you.

And I want to talk about you now. So we've talked about him and we've talked about. You know, your journey. And the big, the big risk that you took by asking, which was incredible.

So. What are you doing now? How has your life evolved and changed from that? Besides the fact that you wrote all those books and were able to be on New York Times bestseller, all of that.

You're also a mom. There's a lot more we can talk about with you. Yeah. So, well, so at one point I started my own company about eight years ago.

Right. And so I do a lot of consulting because people would say, I need a patty. I need a patty. So I would help other thought leaders.

Like, what do you need to do? Well, you need to build your brand. You want to blow up your book. You need a marketing plan, whatever.

So I did that while I was running the Canfield training group at the same time. While I was running, I hadn't started my company yet, but my mom was re-diagnosed with breast cancer and she passed away. And right before she passed away. And I was still like, I was still, I wasn't really showing up much, you know.

And, and she basically. On her deathbed said, I did not raise a daughter to be invisible. You need to show up and be seen that, you know, you have to own parts of this. Like you and Jack and Mark created this together.

They couldn't have done it without you. You couldn't have done it without them. Stop hiding behind these men. And so I was like, okay, I promise.

And then one of my best friends died right after that. And she was like, just, you need to be doing more. You're good enough, you know, kind of thing. So I was like, okay, I'm going to do a women's retreat.

And I was completely scared to death to do it, but I did it. And then I, I decided I'm going to, I'm going to do a luxury retreat. And we, I had a house in Hawaii. And so I had, I made the mistake of telling Janet Atwood, who wrote the passion test, that I had this dream.

This was like a 9 a. m. dream, if you know what I'm talking about. She's like, all right, well, let's go.

She's like, okay, girl, we're doing it. And by 3 o'clock in the afternoon, I'm like, no, no, I was just kidding. I really didn't, you know. So I ended up doing that and it was very lucrative.

And I said five words. I said five words at my first training. Now I run workshops all the time and you can't shut me up. But, you know, just another scary thing.

Like, it's, I would compare myself, you know, still to this day, sometimes like Jack would do this better. You know, it's just, I can't help it. It's human nature. But, so now I, believe it or not, now I teach people how to show up, speak up and be seen because I was a professional hider.

I was the expert in hiding for decades. And I didn't have any women in my life. I was saying, you can do this. Get up there and do this.

And so I'm really on a mission. And so I help people get clear about who they are, what they do, why they do it, who they do it for, and in what way. Like, are you running courses? Are you building a business?

Do you have a brick and mortar? Do you want to write a book? Do you want to share your message from stage? So whether it's on stage or it's in a book, I work with them to figure out what the best idea, what the best route is for them.

And I decide. Because there's so much stuff out there in the world today. Oh, be in this book with so-and-so and do this and pay for that. And it's like, I see all these, especially women, especially the older, I think women get, they get more scattered.

I know. I can say that at 61. But I, I'm able to see, connect all the dots, see what should be done in what order. And help them do it in a way that makes sense without spending their retirement money or their fortune.

And I think a lot of women, they do. They do well in life, in their business. And then they're like, I want to do more. I want to give back.

But there's so much stuff out there. There's so much noise that people just start buying all kinds of stuff. And I'm like, no, don't buy that. You don't have to.

You and me are so aligned with that. That's one thing that's driving me absolutely nuts in the self-dub world. Yeah. I'm giggling because before, I usually could just call it self-dub.

And I, earlier in this podcast, I was trying to say development. It's like, I'm not used to this coming off my tongue fully anyway. But yes, there's just so. There's so many people out there with all of the fluffy stuff.

And it drives me crazy because I truly believe that from the time I was tiny, you know, young, I've been in this world loving every minute of it. And there's people out there that are so passionate about it. And there's people out there that are, I don't know, putting stuff out there that isn't necessarily good. And you do spend a ton of money.

I think, too, it's just if you're good in sales and marketing. And you can sell someone into something. And I'll meet with someone who's like, oh, I'm going to be in this book with so-and-so. Or, yeah, I'm doing a TED Talk.

I'm like, what? If you haven't said something 5,000 times, you have no business doing a TED Talk. I mean, I just, like, I don't want you doing something that you're going to spend a bunch of money on and you're going to look at it a year from now and think, what was I thinking? Right.

And it's not that it won't happen, but it's like practice, practice, practice. And I also really believe that with creating something new. So, there's also transformation that takes place within who you are. And if we don't allow the transformation to catch up with where we want to be with that product or that person, it's not in alignment.

And it doesn't work. No. And it doesn't work. And that's another thing in this industry that I love that you're touching on is we can't copy.

We can copy the steps of success, right? Like, you can see, okay. So, as we look at what's worked, we can. We can maybe put together what's working for us, but it's going to look different because we are different people.

Yeah. Different people, products, things. And so, so often people are like, oh, well, they're trying to copy the person. And it's not aligned.

And so, it lands flat. It's going to land flat because you don't even believe yourself. Why are other people going to be believing you? Right.

And that's the part that takes time. And that's the part where I think a lot of products are out there. And I'll have to say, like, most of them are for men. And they're, like, just go through and get it done.

And I teach a course that I just did a beta course on it because I've been teaching it for years. And I thought, I think I'm giving them too much. I'm not sure. But I see, like, the deer in headlights a couple phases in.

And so, I just said to my entire group last year. It was probably November. I said, I want to run a beta group. If you're interested, it's going to be $500 just so you'll show up.

And we're going to donate that to Goal Friends, which is the next. It's a nonprofit that I'm on the board of. And so, I had, like, 20 women. And I thought it would be, like, a 12- or 16-week course.

It turned out to be, like, 30 weeks because I was curious, like, what's going on? Where are they getting stuck? And so, I reworked every single bit of it. And this is a course I taught for four years.

And I haven't ever greened it. I haven't made it an online course. I mean, it's live. But, you know, it's – and I know what I'm doing.

And so, to really kind of look at how to make it work. Yeah. And the biggest thing I got from them was you taking this much time to allow us to catch up to our dream, like, in our minds, was huge. Yeah.

Because – and what happens when we buy into all these different things, we're not there yet. And then we stop doing it because we don't have the accountability. And people are just on to sell you another product. And then you think you need – And it's overwhelming.

Yeah. It is overwhelming. It can be so overwhelming. Yeah.

So, where do you see yourself going right now? By the way, I don't know how you're 61. I am. You do not look like you're 61.

It's okay. I'm in Botox. Bring us the self-help in Botox. Forever.

But, no, really, so where do you want to go from here? And the work you're doing is super, super important. And I love that we've also talked about just the big ask. Like, you did the big ask and it literally changed your life.

Absolutely. So, tell us where you want to go from here, where you see yourself, where you see women that are following you, all of those things. Well, I just finished my copy yesterday for my new website. Okay.

It's under construction, but I'll tell you what it's going to say. So, basically, I start – if people are new or not sure, if they're transitioning from, like, one part of their life into a new decade or a new job or they're retiring and doing something different, I take them through, like, the show-up piece. Like, how do you want to show up? What do you want to say when you show up?

Like, total clarity on every level. And then from there, we look at, what do you want to do with that? So, mostly, people that come to me are people that really want to make a difference in the world. They want to share their message.

They want to write a book. Or they want to become a better coach and have a better coaching company. And so, it starts with your messaging and your branding and getting you clear about those things. Really clear.

And it's a self-esteem exercise. I'm not going to lie. Because, you know, it's really easy to talk ourselves. I would say, like, I could talk myself into anything at 9 a.

m. and talk myself out of anything at 3 p. m. Right?

Especially if I leave myself alone with myself long enough. Right? So, have it. Got a brain.

Yeah. And then I have my speaker launchpad that I do. And I do that three to four times a year where I bring 10 people at a time to my house in Nashville. And for four days, we just do skills and drills and skills and drills on their keynote.

Before they get there, they already know what their keynote is going to be. They know what the topic is. It's been built out. I have a formula that I put everybody through.

And so, they're actually, they know what they're going to say when they get there. And we just practice, practice, practice. And then after that, they get, like, four more calls to, you know, look at, okay, so now that I have this down, here's my one sheet. This is what this looks like.

Here's my sales scripts for when I'm going to go out and sell myself, which is going to be, like, the worst thing I've ever had to do. You know? And I just let them know ahead of time. Because it mostly is.

And then from there. They can go into, like, strategic planning with me if they want to. And this, this doesn't happen, like, all in a row. But it happens, like, over time.

I like them to do it in a certain way. So, they do it when they're ready. And I always say, if you, if you work with other people, don't come back to me. Because I don't want to hear the horror story.

I want you to stay with what you're doing. If you get stuck, call me. Yeah. And then from there, my end goal will be to put them in a community.

So, I'm pretty sure I'm going to just start a community and do a call and stuff. Just so people can. Feel like they're part of something. And be reminded that, you know, it's worth getting out of bed in the morning.

Yeah. I think it's really important, too, for women to feel like they're part of a community. Men, men don't need to be part of a community the way the women do. It's weird.

I mean, it's. They don't. But I also feel like men also have more of a community than women. And they don't need it the same way.

Like, with their business relationships and stuff. Yeah. Maybe. I mean, I also think men just have a few friends.

And they. They're fine. They're good. They say.

I think men say, like. Women say 10 times the amount of words a day versus men. So, if men said 300, we would say 3,000. Like, some crazy number.

So, they don't need that. They don't have to talk out loud. Yeah. You know.

So, I think it's different. But I also think that there's more stuff going on for men these days. I think they're starting to speak up more. I think that the next generation.

I know my boys that are, you know, in their late 20s, early 30s. Are. They're a little bit more of the feminine masculine side. My husband's like, you know.

Go to the club. Play golf. Come home. Watch the news.

Yeah. There is a shift for sure. Which I think is good. Yeah.

But women need community. We need to talk. We need to be with people. We need to see people.

Connect. Yeah. I think so. I mean.

I just think it's so. I don't know what it is. But if it's just part of our DNA. If it's, you know, they had that study.

I don't know if you've ever heard about that study. Where they had the sheep and barbed wire. Like electric barbed wire. And when they took it away.

The sheep for seven generations didn't stray from that area. And I feel like we have this generational DNA of like, you know, be seen and not heard. And if you don't have anything to say, don't say anything at all. And as much as we try.

And I think some women just do it. They're just. For some reason it's easy. But for the majority, it's like.

You know, we're taught like, don't brag about yourself. And da, da, da, da, da. So it's like. Even talking about what we do is hard sometimes for people.

I mean, I don't know what it was like for you. But when you first started your business. It's like saying things out loud. It's still hard.

To be honest. It's still hard depending on the room I'm in. The other day I was talking to a girl from my high school. We graduated the same year.

And our lives are completely different because of the choices. That we've made. And here we are at this wedding together. And we're talking.

And it's like I didn't dare speak up about what I was. What I had accomplished. And what's on the books for me right now. Because I felt like.

That would make her feel less than. You know, so even. Even still. I find myself doing it.

And you're like, so what was it like when you started your business? I still find myself doing that today. And it was a lot harder then. Yeah.

But it's like, why do we do that? It's like we just. It's like this automatic thing. Right.

No, it is. And then when you think about it. You know, one of the things I say a lot of times is like. Just imagine.

That whatever you. If you could just say whatever you want to say. If you didn't have any self-talk. That you weren't bragging.

Or you weren't. Nothing negative. Like just. If you just.

Were totally true and honest. If we just said what we really do. And we talked openly and vulnerably. How many lives might change?

Like how many people actually need to hear what we had to say? And when we edit our thoughts. And we don't say that. We're actually robbing people.

Of the gifts that we have. So. Yeah. You switch it.

You know. Yeah. I love that. And yes.

It's absolutely true. And it's funny when I catch myself doing that. And I caught myself doing that last weekend. And so.

It's like it's gotten a lot better for me. I was born in a. And I was also born in a family where it's like it wasn't really okay to speak up. Especially as a woman.

And so I have that conditioning that I feel like comes up. And I have to fight that. But. Us women.

It's just funny that we do that. We'll be the first to help. But we'll be the last to ask anything. So.

I was. I was actually talking to a guy. God. David.

David Meltzer. His. He's the guy that they did the Jerry Maguire. Movie with.

About. Yeah. Oh really. And so he said.

I have a question for you. And I said. What's that? And he said.

How do you feel when you. Help people. And I said. Amazing.

It's great. It's what I do for a living. Right. I'm self-help.

And he said. Well. Why don't you ever ask for help? And I said.

What? And he's like. You know. When you don't ask for help.

You're robbing us of having that same feeling. It's like. So. So sometimes it's like.

We have to. I at least have to. Remember those things. To.

Use it sort of as a hack. Like. Oh yeah. And.

I always. You know. I'll never forget. I was.

Doing a book signing. When I had Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul. So this was a long time ago. So like.

In the mid 90s. And. Jack's sister Kim was the co-author on Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. Mm-hmm.

And we were at a. Huge Barnes and Noble in LA. And I had. No one in my line.

And she had a line out the door. And around the corner. And these kids had these books. And they were like.

Tattered. And stickies in them. And. Highlighted.

It was nuts. I mean. It was crazy. And so.

She said to me. She looked over at me. She said. I'm sorry.

That you don't have anybody in your line. And I'm thinking. Yeah. Well.

You know. It is what it is. I have probably had other thoughts about her at the time. But I won't say that.

And then. These two little girls walked up. With their mom. Who was young.

In her 30s. And they said. Are you the lady that wrote Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul? And I said.

I am. And they said. Well. We want you to know that.

Our mom was in a coma. With stomach cancer. And we read her your book every day. And that's the only thing she remembers.

And you saved her life. And I was like. One person in my line. Versus.

400. That's okay with me. But it was life saving. Yeah.

So incredible. Yeah. Wow. Okay.

We've talked about a lot of things. I want to ask you. What does it look like for you. To be an unblocked woman?

It looks like. Telling the truth. Faster. Asking for what you want.

And really just being your true authentic self. I love it. So everyone. There will be her show notes.

And all of her information will be in the show notes. Is what I'm trying to say. But is there any last little nuggets you want to leave with us. Before we end today.

I would just say. Keep following Amy. Because she's got a great podcast. And you need that extra motivation.

But do the scary things first. You know. Do them right when you get out of bed in the morning. You get out of the shower.

You have that idea. Act on it. Some of the craziest ideas. That I've acted on.

Almost all of the crazy ideas that I've acted on. Have come to fruition. So just know being scared. Is actually progress.

That you're about to have a massive breakthrough. And just go for it. I'm so glad I asked that question. That was great.

Thank you so much for being on our podcast. It's been such an honor to have you. And everybody. Like I said.

Her information is in the show notes. Make sure you go follow her. And if you have some big project that you want to work on. Obviously she's your girl.

So with that guys. We'll be back here next week. Take care. And we'll see you then.

Bye. Bye everyone. Okay. Before you go.

Don't let this become another episode. That you listened to. Loved. And then did nothing with.

Take what came up for you today. And bring it into the mirror. Bring it. The decision that you're overthinking.

The conversation you're avoiding. The pattern that you keep repeating. Or simply say. Here's what's happening.

Help me see what I can't see. The mirror knows. It's your patterns. Your enneagram.

Your human design. And it remembers the work you've already done. So the reflection is personal to you. Find the mirror in the show notes.

Or at amysanders. co forward slash mirror. And until next time. See it.

Shift it. And become magnetic.